Would you rather...?
Which would you rather do:
Are internal mixed messages getting in your way?
Something you want to do?
Something you don’t want to do?
I haven’t done a survey on this, but I’m guessing you chose #1.
Doing what we want to do is generally more pleasant than doing what we don't want to do.
And yet, we do things we don’t want to do all the time. We use strategies like “pushing through” or “buckling down” to muscle our way through unpleasant tasks.
Another option is to find a “yes” that our system can coordinate to, so we don’t cause any more stress than is strictly required.
This “yes” is not only nicer, it's how we’re designed.
We are built to move toward what we desire.
Think of a baby learning to walk. For that little person to make the giant leap from all fours to two feet, something really good has to be >over there> or ^up there^.
Light switch! Door knob! Bowl of cereal on the edge of a counter! Get me there now!
This baby’s desire is a motor that makes things happen, an uninterrupted yes.
Their whole moving thinking self coordinates to make it happen.
The fact that they are walking is incidental.
The uninterrupted yes, or perhaps more cleanly said, the continuous yes, is a tool I use with my clients to help them discern what ideas might be getting in their way.
Here’s an example:
An entrepreneur is getting headaches at her desk.
After some fact-finding, it turns out, this person would rather be hiking in the woods, and is telling herself, “You don't get to leave this desk until the work is done.”
There’s a lot of “no” in that message, and the “no” is also reflected in her body.
Two opposite things -- staying and going -- are happening at the same time. The muscles of her skull and jaw are paying a tax, poor things. Could this be the cause of the headaches?
You can’t just tell stress to go away. Stress is happening for a reason.
For this nature loving entrepreneur, creating a new “yes” will allow her to keep working with less internal resistance.
Here’s a gradual evolution of language to turn this “have to, don’t want to” into a “yes.”
You don't get to leave this desk until the work is done.
You can leave this desk when the work is done. (Remove the “don’t”.)
What if you stay here until the work is done? (Invite yourself to do the thing.)
What if you work for the next 30 minutes and see how many items you can check off the list? (Invite yourself to do a specific thing, with curiosity and a flexible accomplishment.)
Try this quick experiment to show how finding a “continuous yes” can change things:
First version:
Reach your arm out in any direction and hold it there.
Absolutely do not let it move.
At all.
See what you notice. Is it challenging? Do you want to do it?
Drop your arm, give it a rest.
Second version:
Find something in your space that interests you.
Reach your fingertips toward that thing and let your arm extend as needed.
Once it is extended, invite yourself to continue to reach toward that thing that interests you, knowing you can decide to do something else at any point.
See what you notice. Is it more or less challenging? Do you want to do it?
How did it go? What did you find out?
Let’s talk about it. Click here to schedule a complimentary call to learn more about how using Integrative Alexander Technique will make things easier, and help you find clarity and connection to purpose.
