Give yourself the freedom to opt in to a conversation
If you’ve been tuning in here for a while, you might have noticed a recurring theme -- constructive choice is a gift to your nervous system.
But what if you feel like you don’t have a choice, such as in a social situation or a job interview?
Maybe you've experienced one of these:
Have you ever been in a group where people are taking turns answering questions and you can’t hear what anyone else has said because you’re so focused on it being your turn soon? It’s sort of like spin the bottle. Waiting for your turn can feel like impending doom.
Or maybe someone asks you a really open-ended question and you freeze up because there are too many possible answers? “How are you?” is one that often stumps me. Too broad.
Seemingly innocent communication events can be super-stressful, in different ways for different people, and this can be exaggerated when the stakes are high.
One idea that has been helpful with clients recently is the idea of “opting in” to a conversation.
“Opt-in”, a term widely used in the digital world, allows a website user, for instance, to say, “Yes, it’s ok to interact with me, I give you permission." Opting into an experience is so much more pleasant than being suckered into something and then trying to figure out how to opt out.
Carrying this idea into a social or professional conversational setting, when you've opted in to answering a question, you're going to be more engaged in answering that question.
Opting out is also a useful option. When someone asks you a question, you don’t have to answer it. You don't have to say anything. You could opt out completely. It might be socially unusual to not say anything, but you do have that option. You also have the option to just talk about something else entirely.
“How are you?”
“Oh, thank you for asking, I had a lovely walk this morning.”
Now, I’m not proposing being sneaky or unkind.
This is a specific strategy to support your nervous system.
Knowing you have choice — giving yourself active permission to choose — even in formal conversations, is a helpful tool for staying present and engaged.
How about you? Are there low-stakes conversational moments where you can play with this idea?
Feel free to reach out if you have any discoveries.
And of course, contact me if you’d like to discuss how working with me will give you — moving, thinking, communicating you — tools to stay present, ready anytime you need them.
